Editing Example No. 1
Richard Alex Jenkins
Example of Text Editing
A customer asked me to edit their text about the ghost of Jean-Pierre Latz.
Naturally, I obliged.
The text is split into four chunks, consisting of the original text followed by the edited text for that segment.
Original Text
Segment 1
Bonjour mesdames et messieurs.
I am the ghost of Jean-Pierre Latz, and this exhibition shows some of my masterpieces: magnificent clocks.
As you can see, I was not a carpenter, but a skilled cabinetmaker. I. was generously rewarded for my works by the Polish King and Saxon Elector Augustus III and his Prime Minister Heinrich Graf von Brühl!
I used precious tropical woods and fine tortoiseshell to create these clocks. The brass fittings were also made in my workshop. I’m sure you will confirm that this combination is still hard to beat in terms of its exclusivity!
Do you notice the fire gilding on the clocks? This required a great deal of finesse from the gilders! They blended fine gold dust with liquid mercury to create a paste-like substance, which they carefully spread over the bronze decorations. When heating the paste, the mercury evaporated, and pure gold remained. Merveilleux, n'est-ce pas?
There were rumors about mercury vapours being harmful. Maybe that is true. Some of the gilders constantly suffered from bad headaches and cough.
But even if that were the case, Prince-Elector August and Prime Minister Brühl commissioned these magnificent clocks to display their wealth and power.
At the time, his reputation mattered more than the well-being of us craftsmen. And where could we have complained? Surely in a democratic state like yours, things are different. Everybody enjoys the same rights. But how are things elsewhere? Are there still people in this world who are forced to jeopardize their health for the luxury of others?
Edited Text
Segment 1
Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs.
I am the ghost of Jean-Pierre Latz and this exhibition shows some of my masterpieces: my magnificent clocks.
As you can see, I was not a carpenter but a skilled cabinetmaker. I was generously rewarded for my works by the Polish King and Saxon-Elector, Augustus III, and his Prime Minister, Heinrich Graf von Brühl!
I used precious tropical wood and fine tortoiseshell to create these clocks. The brass fittings were also made in my workshop. I’m sure you will agree that this combination is hard to beat in terms of exclusivity!
Do you notice the fire gilding on the clocks? This required a great deal of finesse from the gilders! They blended fine gold dust with liquid mercury to create a paste-like substance, which they carefully spread over the bronze decorations. When heating the paste, the mercury evaporated and pure gold remained. Merveilleux, n'est-ce pas?
There were rumours about mercury vapours being harmful. Maybe that’s true? Some of the gilders constantly suffered from bad headaches and coughs.
But even if that were the case, Prince-elector August and his Prime Minister, Brühl, commissioned these magnificent clocks to display their wealth and power.
At the time, the King’s reputation mattered more than the well-being of us craftsmen. And where could we have complained? Surely in a democratic state like yours, things are different? Everybody enjoys the same rights. But how are things elsewhere? Are there still people in this world who are forced to jeopardize their health for the luxury of others?
Original Text
Segment 2
I am the ghost of Jean Babtiste Albrecht, a merchant by profession.
I have spent many years of my life on the dangerous seas of this world, always in search of rare materials. I also acquired the materials for these magnificent clocks in faraway countries.
It fills me with pride that the tortoiseshell, ebony and precious metals in Jean-Pierre Latz's clocks come from my trade. Noble society admired them in the festive halls of the Saxon Elector. A privilege granted to very few!
It enjoyed the rare privilege of traveling the world. The trade routes on which I sail connect Europe with Africa, Asia, and America. My successors still use them for the exchange and transport of goods.
You can hardly imagine what I have seen on these journeys: the vastness of the oceans, tropical forests with trees as high as the sky, and animals that the human eye rarely sees; these creatures seem to be sheer fantasies.
But I also witnessed many horrible things: slaves forced to work under inhumane conditions in South American mines; dense forests being cleared, and the merciless hunting of sea turtles in the Caribbean Sea.
Today, there are laws intended to prevent such cruelty. Does this mean that neither humans nor animals are exploited for the luxury of others anymore?
Edited Text
Segment 2
Greetings, noble listeners!
I am the ghost of Jean Babtiste Albrecht, a merchant by profession.
I spent many years of my life on the dangerous seas of this world, always in search of rare materials. I acquired the materials for these magnificent clocks in faraway countries.
It fills me with pride that the tortoiseshell, ebony and precious metals in the clocks of Jean-Pierre Latz originate from my trade. Noble society admired them in the festive halls of the Saxon-Elector. A privilege granted to very few!
I enjoyed the rare privilege of traveling the world. The trade routes on which I sailed connect Europe with Africa, Asia and America. My successors still use them for the exchange and transportation of goods.
You can hardly imagine what I have seen on these journeys: the vastness of the oceans, tropical forests with trees as high as the sky, and animals that the human eye rarely sees - these creatures seem to be sheer fantasies.
But I also witnessed many horrible things: slaves forced to work under inhumane conditions in South American mines, dense forests being cleared, and the merciless hunting of sea turtles in the Caribbean Sea.
There are now laws to prevent such cruelty. Does this mean that neither humans nor animals can be exploited for the luxury of others anymore?
Original Text
Segment 3
Greetings to you.
I am Mother Nature, the heart and soul of this Earth, the creator of the forests, the oceans, and all the marvellous creatures that inhabit them.
The sight of these magnificent clocks fills me with join and at the same time, with pain. They serve as a reminder of how people rob themselves of their own livelihoods out of greed.
Ancient trees in tropical forests have been chopped down to create these clocks. In their quest for gold and mercury, people have ravaged the homes of countless plants and animals found in mountains and rivers.
Some have even captured my daughter, the sea turtle, to extract precious tortoiseshell from her shell. They cook the shell over burning coals until it detaches from her back. Without their shells, turtles are defenseless and suffer terribly.
Even today, some people are willing to accept the destruction of livelihoods—both human and ecological—in order to produce their luxury watches.
Nevertheless, you humans are also my hope. Many of you strive to live in harmony with animals and plants, and are dedicated to preserving my biodiversity. You find joy in connecting peacefully across all borders to honour me together.
Why not join them?
Edited Text
Segment 3
Greetings to you!
I am Mother Nature, the heart and soul of this Earth, the creator of the forests, the oceans, and all the marvellous creatures that inhabit them.
The sight of these magnificent clocks fills me with joy, but at the same time, with pain. They serve as a reminder of how people rob themselves of their own livelihoods because of greed.
Ancient trees in tropical forests have been chopped down to create these clocks. In their quest for gold and mercury, people have ravaged the homes of countless plants and animals found in mountains and rivers.
Some of them even captured my daughter, the sea turtle, to extract precious tortoiseshell from her shell. They cooked the shell over burning coals until it detached from her back. Without their shells, turtles are defenceless and suffer terribly.
Even today, some people are willing to accept the destruction of livelihoods — both human and ecological — in order to produce their luxury watches.
Nevertheless, you humans are also my hope. Many of you strive to live in harmony with animals and plants and are dedicated to preserving biodiversity. You find joy in connecting peacefully across all borders to honour me as one.
Why not join them?
Original Text
Segment 4
Hi,
I am the ghost of those campaigning for animal welfare, environmental protection, nature conservation, and fair working conditions in modern society.
In the eighteenth century, clocks like these were quite rare and exceptionally expensive. Prince-Elector August and Prime Minister Brühl adorned his royal state apartments with them to showcase his wealth and the power of the royal court. I also find these clocks incredibly beautiful; however, the price for this beauty was very high.
The marquetries of these clocks are made from tortoiseshell, and ebony. Oftentimes, child labourers extracted gold and mercury from mines under life-threatening conditions. Additionally, humans killed three species of sea turtles for their tortoiseshell.
Thus, the clock also serves as a reminder of how luxury and power have often been built on the backs of the most vulnerable. It serves as a wake-up call for me, reminding me that with every purchase I make, I carry a responsibility and must decide whether I want to contribute to suffering or help create a fairer world.
Today, almost all of us own luxury watches or mobile phones. Yet, to obtain the raw materials needed, companies do oftentimes disregard the rights of animals and people. That’s why many people, including myself, are dedicated to upholding basic rights and protecting nature.
What ideas do you have for creating fairer working conditions? What steps could you take to better protect our environment?
Edited Text
Segment 4
I am the ghost of those campaigning for animal welfare, environmental protection, nature conservation, and fair working conditions in modern society.
In the eighteenth century, clocks like these were quite rare and exceptionally expensive. Prince-elector, August, and Prime Minister, Brühl, adorned their royal state apartments with these clocks to showcase their wealth and the power of the royal court. I also find these clocks incredibly beautiful; however, the price for this beauty was very high.
The marqueteries of these clocks are made from tortoiseshell and ebony. Sometimes, child labourers extracted gold and mercury from mines under life-threatening conditions. Additionally, humans killed three species of sea turtles for their tortoiseshell.
The clocks also serve as a reminder of how luxury and power have often been built on the backs of the most vulnerable. They serve as a wake-up call for me, reminding me that with every purchase I make I carry responsibility and must decide whether to contribute to suffering or help create a fairer world.
Today, almost all of us own luxury watches or mobile phones. Yet to obtain the raw materials needed, companies often disregard the rights of animals and people. That’s why many people, including myself, are dedicated to upholding basic rights and protecting nature.
What ideas do you have for creating fairer working conditions? What steps could you take to better protect our environment?
*All segments edited into UK English.
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