Example of Good Editing and how to improve source text

Have you ever come across text and immediately thought I can do better than that?

We all do it. AI tools and software greatly help but only to a point. On the other hand, changing the text too much and becoming overly creative can tarnish the original message and displease the author. Be careful about overediting.

Below is an example of how to edit, in three segments.

Read through each section of text in blue and see what you think.

• Does the segment of text improve through each edit?

• Is editing even necessary or is it edited too much?

• Think you can do better?

The Original Message

"

Hey it's Carl.

I’ve been running agencies since for the past (almost) decade.

I've been able to acquire over 1,000 clients since I began in 2015.

I have 3 agencies that make 8 figures combined and was named the #1 ecommerce influencer to follow by Shopify.

I have also been able to build the largest personal brand in my industry.

"

Notes

• There are multiple grammatical errors, such as "since for the past", for example.

• I winced when I came across it.

• Every sentence starts with "I have". No originality.

• It's difficult to identify any writing standards or consistency used. Numbers under 10 should be written out in full.

• The message gives the impression of unprofessionalism, laziness even.

If a CEO or company director posted this, I would not follow their links.

This person is losing business!

Basic and Necessary Edit

"

Hey, I'm Carl.

I have been running agencies for (almost) a decade.

I have acquired over 1,000 clients since I began in 2015.

I have three agencies that make eight figures combined and was named the No. 1 ecommerce influencer to follow by Shopify.

I have built the largest personal brand in my industry.

"

Notes

This is direct and clean. It gets to the point and reads much better.

It's grammatically correct while retaining the original structure instead of having that clunky feel.

However, it still uses "I have" in every statement, which gives a poor impression. It's repetitive.

The text needs to be improved further, but how far can you go? How much can you edit?

It's therefore necessary to communicate with your customer before going ahead. Give them options and explain the problems.

My Editing Suggestion

"

Hello, my name is Carl.

I have been running agencies for (almost) a decade and have acquired over 1,000 clients since 2015.

I run three agencies that make a combined eight-figure sum.

Shopify named me the No. 1 ecommerce influencer to follow!

I now have the largest personal brand in my industry.

"

Notes

This is more direct and dispenses with the passive voice - any doubt or negativity.

It's nice and clean and sounds professional.

I would make further business enquiries after reading this introductory message.

Summary

Poor grammar, punctuation and spelling needs to be edited out. Use a basic tool such as Google Docs to do this.

Be careful not to over edit without your client's permission.

This can change the original meaning and cause annoyance.

Communication and experience are the key.

Let me know if you're happy with the results above?

richardalexjenkins@gmail.com