Research Into Happiness

Up to 50% of our happiness is built in and therefore genetic. We are who we are and some people are born happier than others.

As a person who suffers from depression and low self-esteem I've come to the conclusion that the happiness fairy passed me by. I struggle socially and in small groups find myself detached rather than getting involved and looking in.

You can learn to overcome this by no longer worrying about what other people think about you.

A friend of mine had two unsuccessful kidney transplants and spent three days per week on dialysis to clean his blood, constantly in and out of hospital. He got cancer a few years later due to his weak autoimmune system and died shortly afterwards. Surprisingly, he was one of the happiest and friendliest people I have ever met, which can only explain some random inbuilt factor that's unique and inside all of us.

If you're a naturally downbeat person you can't get automatic happiness just because you desire it today, but have to work at it. It's there in your core being and needs to be extracted through endeavor.

In the meantime we complain about petty issues, needlessly worry about the lives of others, and often feel miserable because of our addictions, backstabbing and minor hang ups.

Happiness is based on internal factors that we're constantly trying to get to grips with. If you're not happy, there's a good chance that you're doing something wrong. You can be disabled, poor, obese, depressed... and still be happy if you do certain things right, just as you can be dead miserable if rich, famous, young, beautiful... if you do certain things wrong.

Interestingly, only a small amount of our happiness (around 10%) is based on external factors such as having a better car, a wonderful partner, etc. Yes, this small amount is still a lot and has a massive impact on our lives, especially when other people are more successful than we are, but it's still only 10%, and who knows, many of these people are jealous of you for qualities that you're not even aware of - the grass is always greener - for being the person that you are and that they want to be, free from the overbearing hangups and desires that govern their lives because they don't know how to get back to the inner core of their real selves.

Try not to worry about the small 10% that's out of your control and has nothing to do with you. It feels bigger than that, but it's not. Some people will observe your difficulties, insecurities or perhaps other factors that you’re unable to grasp right now, which can make you feel inferior, but over time develop a thicker skin and sift through the plethora of third-party opinions to instead feed on the positives.

You learn how to be more comfortable and enjoy being you, and success and prizes on top of that add to the experience of feeling comfortable in your own skin.

It's important not to judge other people if you want to be happier. Spend less time worrying about why you don't like others and maybe why they don't like you. Dismiss it with a mental trigger and move on, even though they may be judging you (who cares) out of human instinct. And because we sometimes misread what other people think about us, it can be hard to be yourself.

I recently commented to a friend about being bitter and they responded, why, rather surprised. Maybe they don't see the bitterness or unhappiness in your heart because it's not obvious, but somewhere out of sight and unimportant as you learn not to focus on it or stimulate it. It's not putting on a front, but learning not to fester and therefore feel happier.

Try to appreciate that the 10% external factor you see in others is often not what it seems. You don't have to put on a show and your inner doubts and fears will always remain, but can learn to live in your own space and be happier.

If you're content with who you are and comfortable with your own presence regardless of what's around you, you've already achieved a major landmark in life - a sort of internal acceptance to allow the mayhem to carry on without affecting your core being. You are learning to be happy with who you are in your own way, irrespective of other people's opinions. Stop worrying about them and feel more secure in who you are and your world.

Remember that who you are is often someone else's dream and even their fantasy!