The Male Sexual Cycle

Technical fact: After ejaculation it takes a man around 24 to 36 hours to replenish lost sperm. It doesn't really matter whether you're 17 or 70, it takes about two days to top up whatever resources you have.

This means that after two or more days, especially if you're accustomed to regular sex or masturbation, you're going to go through an aggressive/depressive phase later on.

Once you get through a two-day-ish barrier, the desire for sex gets progressively more intense, but levels out over time. You can then enter a normal cycle of naturally desiring sexual activity through external stimulus instead of needing it every hour of the day, which is the life of a sex addict.

Habitual masturbators rarely get past the two-day barrier or take a break, which makes the addiction cycle hard to deal with.

Sex addicts need porn and glamour frequently to supplement real sex. Hitting the no-sex barrier causes mild depression, anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions, and the logical way to deal with this (in your mind) is to repeat the masturbation cycle indefinitely, effectively tricking yourself into feeling immediately good all time.

Men who have high sex drives and pursue a lot of women for gratification are not necessarily sex addicts, but simply following natural instincts and desires to try and fulfil these requirements. Stable relationships are best, but being sexually promiscuous is not the core issue here.

Wanting sex, regardless of who or how you identify yourself, is not a crime, problem or sin. But addiction to an activity that makes you feel bad about yourself is a problem. If you feel bad about yourself, either physically or psychologically for not living or having a good life, you have an issue that needs to be sorted out in your own mind.

Some people can theoretically and continuously sexually rape and pillage in their minds and feel fantastic about themselves afterwards, while other people feel ashamed for even having minor sexual thoughts.

It's not necessarily what you do, but how you feel about yourself. Only you can decide what that level is. You may think you're addicted to sex when you're really not, or may not even realise you're a total sex addict when you are. It's different for everyone and mostly exists in the mind.

One thing is for sure. A normal male thinks about sex often. It ebbs and flows but it's always there. Abstaining completely from sex is not an option for most people, nor healthy, but over indulgence is just as unhealthy and even worse for you because of how it affects your self-esteem and sexual energy (which is good and natural).

Any slight desire for sex can lead to masturbation if you don't have or want a natural outlet. Life can stagnate and feel like it's going backwards because you're only expressing yourself inwardly, not to others around you. This is depressing. You feel anxious, both before and during masturbations, and especially during sperm replenishment phase when men are at their most vulnerable, physically and psychologically. You may rarely feel emotionally stable. It’s like being on a constant sexual high/low, strung out somewhere in between.  You can become terrified of anything different and letting go of your regular pleasures.

The desire for sex is addictive. You become an addict. A sex addict if you're not careful.

Luckily, once you get past the immediate barrier to get instant sex (around two days of sperm replenishment) it will starts to calm down get easier. You begin to dream again and enjoy deciding when you want sex for yourself. Instead of going at it every 10 minutes out of habit. It's not easy - sexual desire hits you hard and men sometimes need to take drastic action (vasectomies, for example) to deal with constant urges - but this frustration is no worse after three weeks than it is after three days, and during that time you may have access to natural sex anyway if you've got a regular partner. And when you do get sex it feels better, even if it's simply masturbating.

Breaking the repetition barrier benefits you. You have higher self-esteem from not giving in to your sexual impulses every time you feel like it, feel better overall and more vigorous. Shutting everything down and simply going to sleep at night, or doing some exercise is really physically and psychologically beneficial too.

There is no magic secret to conquer sex addiction, other than to understand the sexual cycle and its subsequent barriers and how they affect you.

There is nothing wrong with masturbating in itself, let's get that straight. Our genitals are there to be enjoyed, but by breaking the cycle, passing the repetition barrier and moving into a more natural and organic routine, you can feel better about yourself and start to move on with less consuming, secretive and debilitating actions.

Remember the next time you reach the 'barrier' and start to feel frustrated. It's because you're at your sexual peak and need relief. Masturbating makes you feel immediately better and relaxed, but you also go endlessly round the cycle if you're an addict. But if you push past the barrier and let the sexual cycle occur more naturally you'll start to reap the benefits.

I hate it when people say trust me - why exactly? - but this comes from experience! If you're not getting any sex it’s frustrating, but it's better than the constant physical and psychological lows of constant addiction. Feeling constantly tired out and lifeless.

It's best to accept you're addicted to sex and learn to give yourself a bit of space. There is nothing wrong with needing sex and being randy. Don't let the world tell you otherwise - that it's better to be betarised and placated. But doing the same thing every day, multiple times per day, is equally detrimental to your health and non-beneficial to feeling good about yourself.

Even if you have zero access to satisfying physical sex for whatever reason, going without for a while makes you feel better - frustrated, yes- but better, including improved personal pride, control and the ability to make your own decisions.

Tip:

Compulsive masturbators can establish a Masturbation Timeline.

• Jot down the last time you masturbated and try to get past 24 hours. This requires no great effort, but do it anyway.

• If you can get past 24 hours, why not go for 48 hours - two whole days. I feel a song coming on!

• Remind yourself that you’re now entering a tough phase - the immediate replenishment and new desire to have sex phase.

• The next 24 hours is key. If you can get past 3 days, you can then control your masturbating addiction for however long you want.

• The great thing is, you can then masturbate of have sex without being addicted to it, just satisfying you basic needs.

The objective here is to make you break the daily cycle, not go without sex for weeks or months on end. That's not healthy. It’s to make your feel better than a constantly drained pint of beer with nothing left.

The reason I'm writing this and you're probably reading this far is because sex addiction has become a problem for you. It's consuming your time and energy and eating away at your self-esteem.

Sex withdrawal is not the same as drug withdrawal. When sperm hits its peak level you're going to feel that desire, but it doesn’t wrack your body like heavy drugs do. You become moody, irrational, frustrated and even depressed when going into denial, but then it starts to pass and doesn't get much worse. Frustrating, but not worse There is no cold turkey. You move on with life and feel better about yourself because you now understand the cycle.

Hopefully, you go out and get real sex in a healthy way.

For any questions or further discussion, please email me: richardalexjenkins@gmail.com. I would love to hear from you, maybe to help each other!